Life is seeming to speed up, get a bit busier and faster, which is interesting in this natural cycle we’re entering - autumn.
Normally in autumn, things slowly begin to quiet and plants around us begin to die back for the winter.
If we’re at all in tune with nature, our own inner cycles of reflection and contemplation deepen at this time as well.
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I love responding to this question in emails, Facebook groups and in other forums. So I decided to make it a blog post so it’s easily findable!
One of the things about coaching is that, to me, a coach should, necessarily, be about empowering the client. And this begins at the very start!
I love working with coaching clients who will own their process from the very beginning. What that means to me is that you are willing and able to be held accountable for taking action to achieve the results you look to achieve.
Owning the process from the beginning means owning the process of finding the right coaching match for what YOU need right now. The keys to this are:
This will help you find the right person who can guide you properly in the areas aligning to your goals. Coaches specialize in all sorts of areas… for instance, I can help you find the ways that your past and your beliefs limit you (one of my superpowers is finding incongruence). But if you are looking for a coach to help give you strategies for finding love, I’m not the right match for you.
Are you a natural procrastinator? Then, since this is an important enough goal for you that you want to hire a coach, you want someone who will hold your feet to the fire and help you remain accountable to taking action. Already super disciplined? This may be less of a factor for you. But knowing this about yourself is helpful going in and helps you ask the right open ended questions to see how the coach will align to what you know you need to be successful. For instance, you may ask, "What do you say to a client who comes to a session without having taken any of the actions you agreed upon in a prior session?”
Depending upon your goals for the work together, you may want someone with a process (literally we do A and then B and then C - and we always start with A). Alternatively, you may find that you need someone more intuitive and who can meet you where you are and tailor their processes to you. What type of personality are you and what do you need? Then ask questions to see if the coach aligns to that as well.
Lastly, and to me this is super important, assess for fit. Do you feel great when talking with the person? Do you feel a kind of pull to work together? Does the personality seem to be a match for what you need (this doesn't mean an easy match - sometimes, we NEED someone who will challenge us and push us). Does the fit feel comfortable like a friendship, or does it feel like a match that will challenge you to grow and take action, or both (or neither)? Do you believe this person will guide you in the process of achieving the goal you laid out?
It’s critical to find the right coach for the objectives you have. Coaching is an investment you are making in the future you desire for yourself. The process of self-reflection to inform your selection process, followed by finding and interviewing prospective coaches is the due diligence required to find the absolute right person to work with. The considerations mentioned above may help to inform that process.
Have a comment or question? Send me a message and I’ll be sure to get back to you!
Happy New Year, my friends! May this new year bring you much joy, peace and good health.
Let’s get this year started off on the right foot by engaging in those things that nourish body, mind, and spirit. For me those things are exercise, meditating, inspired reading and writing, and energy work. Do you know what works for you? And are you regularly doing those things? If your answer is a resounding yes to both of those questions then keep on keeping on. You have an established path of well-balanced, and much needed, self-care to help you navigate this journey of life we all find ourselves on. For those of you who can’t answer with a resounding yes at this point now is a good time to work toward achieving your goals in self care.
TIP: Here is a quick tip that may be helpful that has served me well. Re-evaluate where you are and what you are doing. What I have noticed for myself in the past is that I need to take time to re-evaluate those things I am doing to make sure they still actually serve my best interests in self care. It is easy to do something out of habit that was effective for me in the past but it is important to make sure it is still effective in the present. We are always changing and evolving and I find it beneficial to check in from time to time to make sure the efforts I am putting out are having the positive impacts I am expecting. When I find an activity no longer serves me I see what else I can discover to achieve the nourishment I seek. There are infinite ways to nourish self. Find the ones that bring you joy.
The beginning of the new year is a great time to re-evaluate what you have been doing and do some fine tuning, if necessary.
Best wishes!
Clearly what one chooses to put into their body is going to impact how that body functions, feels, and responds to what life throws at them on a daily basis. One’s diet IS important. However, it’s not the only facet in determining the health of an individual. In fact, if my mind is right, my frequency is vibrating at a high level, and my metabolism is working at an optimal level I find it doesn’t matter quite so much what my diet looks like. Now I wouldn’t take it to extremes to test how far I can push my relative health based on diet, but one doesn’t have to be rigid and meticulous in one’s diet to allow the body to function at a high level.
There are three things I would encourage everyone to consider when it comes to ingesting food.
1. Enjoy your food! Engage all five senses while eating. Really look at your food. Notice the colors, the shapes, and textures of the food you are eating. Appreciate the aroma that emanates from the food whether prepared (blend of foods and spices) or raw. All food has a scent. Be aware of it before and as you eat. The easiest of the five senses for most of us to be aware of is the taste of the food we are eating. However, I’m not sure how deeply we are generally engaging the taste sense. To fully be present you need to limit the distractions. It’s really hard to notice taste if you are eating in the car, if you are on your devices (computers, phones, ipads, TVs, etc.), or if you are working. Really take the time to be present while you eat. Be aware of the chewing process. Is the food challenging to chew? Is it soft? Are you slurping soup? How does the food feel in your mouth, on your tongue, between your teeth as you bite down? And the last, and generally least considered of the five senses, is the sense of hearing. Listen to yourself eating. What sound is being made when you take a bite? And how about while you chew your food? How about when you swallow your food? Bringing one’s awareness to all the different things that are happening while one eats really engages the digestive system both in prepping the body to receive the nutrients from the food and for eliminating all that is not needed. Enjoy your food!
2. Don’t overeat! Nothing bogs the digestive system down more than overeating. Learn to stop eating when you are three quarters full. I know, it’s easier said than done. Especially when you are eating some sublime rich and decadent food that you just can’t imagine leaving any tasty little morsels behind. Generally we just blow past the getting full signs and happily venture into gluttony. Yet you know pretty quickly when you have over done it. You feel bloated. You feel lethargic. You feel tired. Your body has now kicked into overdrive to try to compensate for an excess of food. Your body must expend a great deal of energy to break down the food. Energy that could be utilized in other areas is now being pulled into aiding the digestive system. I know it’s oh-so-tempting to do so, but don’t overeat.
3. Limit your sugar intake! Sugar is a major stressor on the liver, the heart, the pancreas, and on the kidneys. It also tends to be super addictive. It adversely affects one’s mood, one’s brain function, and one’s ability to be centered and at peace. It is harmful to one’s teeth, one’s energy levels, and it causes inflammation in the body (most noticeably in the joints). Limiting one’s sugar intake will elevate one’s health exponentially. Just say no to sugar.
Beyond that which you can control from an ingesting standpoint there are many other ways to treat the body good. Some are obvious and you have heard them suggested over and over again. Like taking a walk after eating, getting exercise, drinking lots of water, etc. There are other ways less talked about though. Ways that can really help one feel their body existing in optimal health. There are various methods designed to stimulate blood flow, move through blocks, and strengthen energy centers throughout the body. Acupuncture, yoga, and certain meditation techniques (like Vipassana) are just a few examples.
In short making good choices about the types of food you are eating and making the effort to do those things that help keep the mind and body supple will take you far in achieving your goal of optimal health while paving the way to realizing your optimal self.
Simply the mere idea of meditation is enough to get people to resist internally. There is something frightening, to most, about the idea of being present with one’s thoughts. It’s as if just being quiet and allowing one’s thoughts to rise is going to lead to insanity. Or maybe somehow bring forth dark or “evil” thoughts. So what we do instead is distract, repress, and fill with all sorts of things that mean absolutely nothing. We then call this sanity.
Becoming aware of one’s thoughts is reaching to the place inside in which change is possible. It never leads to a bad outcome. It may feel unpleasant for a spell, but ultimately one’s awareness is what allows one’s thoughts to be released. Pretending they are not there is not the same as letting them go. If one wishes to become lighter in thought and body one simply needs to develop awareness. A moment to moment awareness is the goal but you don’t just start there. Meditation is a skill developed over time. Patience is needed to allow for a deepening of mind awareness. One engages in techniques specifically designed to build powers of concentration in order to gain insight into the workings of one’s mind. The techniques are numerous. The individual effectiveness is varied. One must chart their own course, but tools are available to show you the path.
As one develops greater awareness of self, patterns of disharmony emerge. You become aware of how certain types of thoughts make you feel. You become aware of which foods nourish you and which foods do something else entirely. Over time, with greater experience, you began to see what emotions or thoughts lead to craving certain types of food, beverages, and intoxicants. You then are in a greater position to make a different choice, one that comes from a place of empowerment rather than one of reaction. As you learn to navigate the unfolding mystery of all the varying nuances of being that you as a complex unit of memory, thought, experience, intellect, emotions (love and fear) make up, you can than begin to understand what your triggers are in life. What motivations exist behind all the decisions you make in everyday life. Once you can witness these things as an observer rather than the subject you then find yourself comfortably seated in the driver’s seat. Your choices need no longer be reactionary. You can now tackle the challenges life throws at you with greater levels of clarity and peace. That doesn’t mean life will always go the way you want it to, but that your peace of mind will allow you to weather whatever storm comes up on this meandering journey we all tread.
Everything has a vibrational frequency.
When you look around your home, your office, or your car whatever you notice has its own specific frequency. The artwork you have in your home speaks to you vibrationally. The furniture you sit on. The lamps you use to light your home. The plants, trees, and flowers in and around your home share their frequency with you. And not just the things themselves, but even the arrangement of things can carry a specific frequency. The clutter on your desk, the unmade bed, the curtains closed or open, the dirty clothes hamper open or shut, the toilet seat up or down. All these things impact you to some degree. Most of the time we are not aware of how different things impact us. Well, at least not consciously. You may not notice the clutter on your desk, but subconsciously it speaks to you all the same. If you take a moment to consciously focus on it you will find it does indeed create a sensation within. You may say to yourself, “Oh, I really need to do something about that.” Or, “I should really organize some stuff in here.”
It’s not only an eyesore, but the cluttered aspect also holds a frequency that overlays your environment and you can feel it.
It’s important to surround yourself with things that are uplifting, make you feel good, or at the very least are neutral in how they make you feel. Most of us have so much stuff we have collected over the years. All with varying types of vibrational frequencies which impact us in various ways. There can be frequencies that are carried in the things themselves which have nothing do with the objects own inherent frequency. Maybe a memory is triggered on seeing a certain object that carries its own type of frequency for you. Maybe a piece of furniture holds the frequency of an ex lover and triggers you in certain ways that tend to be more subtle than obvious. Maybe you picked something up at a garage sale or an antique shop and its blend of frequencies is a mystery. The possibilities are endless. The idea isn’t to eliminate all things but rather to be aware of how the things around you are impacting you. Pay attention. Become consciously aware. Anything that throws you off or makes you feel less than ideal let go of. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve had it. Or how important it was to you at one time in your life. If it feels off, it’s time to move on.
Here’s an example from an experience I had almost 20 years ago. I was once gifted a colorful painting from a friend. She told me I was the inspiration for the work. It was a beautiful painting. I was elated to be given such a gift. A number of months after receiving the artwork we had a falling out. Shortly thereafter I moved from Seattle to Santa Fe, NM. I kept the painting in the move. At some point I became aware of a heaviness I felt every time I looked at the painting. I didn’t get rid of the painting because I felt I had a responsibility to keep it since it was a gift. A couple of years later I tucked it away in the closet to avoid the heaviness I was feeling. Oddly (or at least I thought so at the time), for months afterward I was still sensing the same heaviness from time to time even without actually seeing the painting. Finally I decided to part ways with it. That same day the heaviness was gone. I felt it just one more time after that. About a week after getting rid of the painting I received an email from the friend who had gifted me the artwork in the first place. She let me know that she was still hurt and angry over the fallout we had years ago. I then realized her energy had been tied to the painting. It was a link between us. She had felt when the link had been removed. She needed to share her unhappiness with me in some other way. I was grateful for the realization that things carry a vibrational frequency for a number of reasons. Some of those vibrations uplift me, while others bring me down or lower my vibration. It is important to recognize those that bring you down and remove them if possible.
Activity: What junk do you have that needs to be released? Take some time to scan your home and your work place. Notice how things around you make you feel. Is there any heaviness or discomfort? Does anything make you feel anxious or unsettled? Angry? Unworthy? Guilty? Etc. Are there typical areas of clutter in the space around you? What would it feel like to keep these areas organized and tidy? Play with it. Feel into it. Look around you with the idea of releasing stuff. Are there things weighing you down?
If so, it may be time to let some things go.
Have you ever felt you would like things to be different in your life? Maybe you are tired of feeling stuck in a rut or stuck in a pattern of disharmony. You are ready for change. Well in order to facilitate that change you need to make room in your life and mind for something new to be planted. The three biggest things one can change to prepare for the new are harmful habitual mindsets, harmful habitual actions and harmful habitual words. These three habit types can greatly limit the potential catalytic force of new empowering thought and strategies for change.
Harmful Habitual Mindsets: What are harmful habitual mindsets? Well, let me use a personal anecdote as an example. I used to always have the emotion of anger be my default setting when things didn’t go my way. There was no room for anything else. No room for understanding. No room for patience. No room for asking myself why this might not be going my way. No room for other potential possibilities of thought or action. Then I was exposed to a Vipassana meditation technique in which one of its main premises is you can be exposed to stimuli and choose to react or not. You can even choose a different way of experiencing a stimulus. With some practice I was able to shift away from anger being my default mindset when things didn’t go my way. It was quite liberating to discover I could break a habitual mindset and change it to something new. Whatever mindset that you tend to wallow in or that lowers your vibration is a mindset that can be changed. Know this!
(Journaling activity: Take a moment to become aware of habitual mindsets you have which make you feel less than optimal. List five of them you would like to work on and get to it. )
Harmful Habitual Words: Habitual self-sabotage is not only found in mindsets and actions, but also in speech. In the words we choose to communicate to self and others we are creating our foundation for the experiences and the relationships we draw into our lives. It is important to become vigilant in monitoring the words we speak aloud and the words we think in our minds. Are there a lot of “shoulds” in your communication? “I should really go to the gym.” “I should really do yoga.” “I should really change my diet.” Etc. “Shoulds” are not helpful. They lower your vibration. Either do or do not. Try to avoid speaking “should”. Other vibration lowering words include…but, can’t, I don’t know, curse words, etc. Closely monitor your thoughts and speech for a few days and see how often these words come up in your speech.
(Journaling activity: Make a list of those words that come up with regularity for you in communication. Become aware and make a change.)
It takes strong will power and persistence to replace an old habit with a new one. Most of us don’t even bother until we bump up against something that makes us very uncomfortable. Often times one’s diminishing health will be a wake-up call. Or maybe you have gained some weight and don’t look and feel comfortable in your own skin anymore. Maybe you hit rock bottom with relationships and realize you keep cycling through the same disharmonious relationships over and over. The other person looks different but the themes and interactions are the same. You say, “Enough all ready.” The level of discomfort reaches a level in which your will now has significant force. You are pushed internally to make some changes.
Sustained consistency is the key. There is a hurdle to jump in the beginning for sure. You need to put some effort forth to overcome the natural resistance within, but as you do it more and more you build that force I spoke of earlier. Then each time you choose the new habit you are creating it takes less and less effort to make it so. Eventually it becomes the new (consciously chosen) habit. Other options no longer hold the same appeal. You have shifted your center. You have changed an aspect of self!
Would you like to be able to say what you mean and mean what you say? To speak your thoughts from a place of clarity of mind and centeredness rather than from reactionary drivel spurred on by emotions run amok?
What would that look like for you? How do you feel others would respond to you if they felt you were fully present and truly hearing them?
Not categorizing, not jumping ahead, not judging but rather solidly and patiently present with them.
How much of your words arise from past experiences, from conditioned responses to certain situations, or from wanting to appear a certain way? Where is the authenticity behind your words?
Communication becomes much less stressful when it comes from conscious thoughts with conscious intentions. There is much less possibility of miscommunication of your actual thoughts or hearing something different than the words and intent behind the words being shared with you by another. Communication is always an exchange of much more than words. There are non-verbal cues. There is the energy of intent. And there is the space available between the people communicating. This space is directly proportionate to the ability of each individual to hold mental silence while the other is speaking. This creates an opening for sharing on all levels of communication.
Do you know how to be silent when someone is speaking to you? What does that mean?
It means you aren’t categorizing what is being said. You aren’t judging content. You aren’t jumping to conclusions about where the conversation is headed. You aren’t planning your response in advance. You are instead engaged in active listening and sharing space (physical, emotional, and mental) while in the flow of varied exchanges that are experienced within a conscious conversation.
How does one develop skill in conscious communication?
It starts with developing awareness of one’s own thoughts and intentions. Becoming hyper vigilant about the words you are using and how they are shaping the world around you.
What beliefs are you holding?
All of these beliefs will influence your communication. Most of which happens on the subconscious level.
How do we discover what is hidden below the surface?
We are all very clear about what makes up the tip of the iceberg but how do we map out and comprehend what exists beneath the tip we have managed to expose and see? How do we see all? Meditation. Love of self and others. Forgiveness. Most thoughts stem from past experience or future concerns. If we release the past and let the future reveal itself from moment to moment the mind becomes very quiet. Communication becomes a joyous sharing of new moments. Fresh eyes make all you come across interesting. You are free to communicate in new ways. You can now be moved by new topics and different types of people.
How do you think it would feel to communicate with someone without judgment or agenda? Do you think it could be you? What would you imagine to be important to one engaging life on that level? How about freedom? Openness? Lightness? Spaciousness? Centeredness? Do you think there would be space for fear? Disappointment? Indecision? Judgment? Worry? What do you think the world would look like if that level of communication was the standard for day to day communication globally?
As you begin looking into your communication patterns, a journal may be a useful tool to keep track of patterns, epiphanies, and new commitments.
Was this helpful? Let me know by sharing it on social media and liking it below! Thank you.
There came a point many years ago when I didn’t know whose life I was living.
That sounds so strange to say now, and it’s completely true. I was so lost that I felt devoid of all passion and drive. I was resigned that my life was as fulfilling as it was ever going to be. Decision-making was so unbelievably difficult from this place… even simple choices of what to wear, or what to make for dinner, seemed impossible.
On the outside, my life looked great. I had a beautiful family, a well-paying job, a lovely house, and caring friends. And yet, I felt empty and had an overall feeling of dissatisfaction… a feeling of, where am I and how did I get here?
The moment I said in my head that I felt empty was the moment my life began to change. My heart felt irrevocably broken and I felt utterly hopeless and resigned in one moment. And the next moment, a voice as clear as day told me, “No.”
Suddenly I saw the clear impact that my current life would have on those I cared about and the world. And in that seeing, I knew that things were going to change. The most dramatic impact related to my daughter… in the seeing, I suddenly knew that I was to provide her with an example of a passionate, loving mother. I was to show her that she can do anything; she can be anyone. So, completely the opposite of how I was feeling!
At the time I had no idea how I was going to provide her with that example… and oddly, I never questioned it. It was a commitment I made at a deeper level, one that I didn’t give thought to.
The owl, as a totem, reflects a period of great change and transition - a physical or metaphorical death, contact with deeper aspects of self, connection to intuition, and announcement of wisdom.
I went through a period of deep personal growth, making many tough decisions, leading to a dramatically different life. I became reacquainted with the natural healer within me; and trained in energetic and shamanic practices (something the old me wouldn’t have thought to do). I began a process of becoming aware of what had been driving my behavior and decisions in the past, and healing parts of me that were wounded, subsequently revealing a fresh aspect of myself that was more closely aligned to my soul. During that process, I stripped away all the things I believed about myself and questioned every single thing I could find (with practices I continue to use)…
And along the way, I met myself… the real Tina. Not the one I thought I was back then. I'm not sure I can even express the shock of realizing that there was this whole other me, that I had actually never met... the shock of realizing that the "me" I had been for so long was really an array of masks I wore to please one person or another, or society as a whole. And this other me... She is wise and full of answers when she looks deeply. She knows that in pleasing this Divine part of herself, she will automatically be doing the "right" thing, and that if she let someone down, at least she didn't let herself down. She is whole and loving, and she sees the highest aspect of everyone she encounters. In meeting her, I finally found that elusive thing we call self-love.
I fell in love with myself and I fell in love with this weird world we live in. I found more joy than I ever could have imagined I’d experience! I found fulfillment. And above all, I found peace.
Now, more and more individuals who are experiencing similar sensations of unrest and confusion; people who are experiencing loss and emptiness, find me. I introduce them to their true selves and help them hear the guiding whisper of their soul. Together we work to bring awareness to their everyday actions... a practice that leads to interacting more consciously (and by that I mean, not through habitual responses) with themselves and the world around them, communicating with greater awareness and heart. Our work together leads to peace through connection, healing and practices that bring clarity where they once experienced fog.
The result is ease and flow... feeling more sure about where life is heading, while at the same time feeling confident that when a curve ball comes, it will be handled with the same ease and flow they've come to expect out of their daily life; and having joy and passion for the possibilities...
This is a channeled post based upon a question submission. This transmission is published with permission of the submitter.
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One important point to make... I hold guided meditation sessions and sometimes people’s minds still stray and they are surprised. They feel like that “isn’t supposed to happen during a guided meditation.”
Read MoreCultivating compassion in your practice is a practice in and of itself. And it’s a deal maker or breaker.
Read MoreThis topic has been part of a conversation that started in my house since I came up with the idea for this series. Both of us are dedicated meditation practitioners. Both of us started our meditation journeys in very different ways. And both of us are evolving in different ways but with common themes. So we have some varying opinions and thoughts to consider here. I'll be giving all of it to you here.....
The topic of technique is a little more difficult in that there are MANY techniques that will bring about the myriad of health benefits as well as results of quieting the mind and bringing peace. I’m not going to tell you what technique to go for. I believe it’s best if you select the technique that resonates the most with you (not because it resonates with your friend or partner). This means that you might need to do some research to find what suits you and what feels “right” for you. The benefit of taking this time at the start is that you will be more prone to stick with it because it was selected consciously to align to your own needs and desires.
Why is that important? Well, it will take time for you to become proficient with the technique and therefore it will take time for it to have the result that you desire. We talked about consistency last week, here, and consistency in practicing a technique is also important.
This is where I'd like to present some different perspectives. You can try these thoughts on and see how they feel.
Casey just read a book by Osho, wherein Osho says to try each of the meditation practices in the book for three consecutive days. The belief here is that, if it’s the right one for you, if you are truly dedicated in the practice for three days, you’ll make a good amount of progress within only three days. On the other hand, if it’s not for you, you won’t and you’ll move on.
If you know who Osho is, you’ll understand why I feel very reluctant to go against his thoughts on that. And I do understand it intuitively. If the energy of the practice is an energetic fit for you, you’ll know it and it will have an impact. In three days.
However, I do want to point out that Casey has been practicing Goenka Vipassana for many years. His set point going into trying a new technique every three days is different from the set point of someone new to meditation entirely. And this is what I want to point out here.
Finding a technique that resonates and that can become the backbone of your meditation practice is important. In my opinion, once you are proficient in a technique, it becomes easier to try others and achieve results.
Why do I think this?
For most of us, accessing the realms of consciousness that are accessed via meditation is not part of our lives UNTIL we begin to meditate. It takes a certain level of proficiency and achievement in your meditation practice to get to the point that you are doing so on a consistent basis. This, again, in my opinion, is where we begin to access the tremendous benefits from a mind, body, spirit perspective of meditation. This is when we arise from our cushion feeling calmer, more centered, alert, and tapped in.
So, without an existing practice and existing proficiency in a technique, I believe that jumping from technique to technique is going to prolong this even further. If you have a specific goal or desired outcome of your practice, this could be detrimental.
The best way to master a technique is to make a commitment to yourself and work daily to master it. If you’ve already started your practice, you know that it is definitely a commitment. And mostly, the reason I see for people breaking their commitment is not seeing progress or feeling that they aren’t doing it right (I touched on this in the first post, here).
For those of you who have an on-again off-again relationship with meditation, next week we’ll talk about bringing Compassion into your practice, and why it’s a game changer. You might decide afterward to be on-again.
As I wrote this post, I realized that there are a couple of topics I haven’t really hit yet. So lucky us! There will be two bonus blog posts in this series:
Missed a post in this series? Check out the below links:
Until next week, Happy Sitting!
A lot of my friends are runners. They are dedicated to the practice (although I’m not sure that’s the right term here) of running with consistency, commitment and dedication. If they don’t run with disciplined consistency, they find that their endurance has decreased, their timing is off, and they have lost some of the gain (or momentum) that consistency brings.
I’m here to tell you that meditation is the same.
If I run once or twice a month, it is not reasonable for me to believe that I will have made any change in my ability to run further at a faster rate of speed. In the same way, if you are meditating once or twice a month (or once or twice a week), it is unreasonable to believe that you are gaining focus and endurance in your meditation practice. It might provide some calm in that moment, but the long-term benefits of the practice are not being cultivated to the fullest extent possible. Just like with running.
These are, of course, generalizations. It may be possible for someone to meditate infrequently and still make great strides in their practice. I just don’t happen to know anyone like that.
So, what does consistency mean in the meditation world?
Consistency in your meditation practice brings together frequency of practice with time and location of practice (at a minimum). It can also include technique, but that’s next week’s blog post topic. We’re going to discuss each of these in a bit more detail.
Frequency of practice is one thing that people tell me holds them back. I recommend a daily practice, and I’m frequently told that it’s just hard to find the time. To that, I call bullsh!t. I know… I said it and I don’t frequently cuss.
If you can find time to watch TV, have a glass of wine, read a chapter of a book (or five), or any number of other “wind-down” activities, you can find five minutes to meditate. That’s right, just five minutes. You cannot tell me that you can’t consistently find five minutes.
People think it takes more than that, and ultimately, maybe it does, but that is entirely up to you. Furthermore, that is a decision that is not made when you are starting, it’s made when five minutes seems to go by too quickly. Or better yet, when consistently (there’s that word again), you find that you open your eyes naturally after 10 or 15 minutes have passed.
Given that, we are talking about finding five minutes each day to meditate… at close to the same time each day (or same “time of day each day”). This is the next consistency key. The last one is, in a dedicated place.
Why are these two things important?
I’m going with a food analogy now. Have you ever noticed that after a few days of being off your normal eating schedule, you begin to crave your meal or snack on that new schedule? Maybe you’re at a conference or traveling and you begin your day eating breakfast an hour and a half earlier than you do at home. After four days, you return home and you wake up ravenous an hour and half earlier than you would normally eat. This literally happens to me every time I travel.
My body has become accustomed to eating on that new schedule. And in the same way, with consistency of practice at a particular time, your body, mind, and spirit will begin to crave meditation at your scheduled time. How does that benefit you? Well, for one thing, when your body, mind, and spirit are craving it… that means one battle is solved and all parts of you are in agreement on what time it is… it’s time to meditate!
That is NOT what we typically experience to begin a practice, when parts of ourselves are fighting us, thinking that there are 79 items on the to-do list that take priority over our meditation practice. I know some of you experience this, so what if all it takes is discipline and consistency to jump that one hurdle? There are others behind it, I know, but what if we could jump that ONE. I call that victory.
As a side note on scheduling time at the same time of day every day: I am not saying you schedule yourself to meditate at 7:13pm or 6:32am every day. What I am saying is that “just before bedtime” or “upon waking” you meditate. This leaves room for dinner dates, sleeping in on the weekends, watching a movie, running a late errand, and any number of other things that are going to come up at 7:13pm or 6:32am. It leaves wiggle room for you to live your life and at the same time, make a commitment to a meditation practice that will bring you countless long-term benefits.
This does bring us to our last item; location. Now, I’ll preface this with the fact that I am an energy person. And what I mean by that is that I feel energetic patterns, frequencies, shifts, etc. So this one is big for me, but you may find that you can take it or leave it.
Meditating in a dedicated place each time creates a ritual, or a routine for those who prefer that word. It sets the energetic tone of calm, tranquility, and quiet in this location which over time creates a similar energetic impact as the consistent time, just on a more subtle level. Some of you will feel the accumulation of energy on your cushion (or chair) and it will be welcoming.
My normal recommendations are to make this space welcoming, make it beautiful, make it sing to your senses. It does not need to be a room… mine is a spot on the floor by my side of the bed for my nightly practice with a beautiful henna painting above it. I use a chair downstairs for my morning practice. The chair is not “dedicated” only for meditation – but it is mostly “my” chair and it’s in a room without a TV (but I’m sitting on it with my laptop to write this).
Above all else, it’s important to keep your meditation space clean yet comfortable. If you have a lot of clutter in this area, you’ll have to jump the hurdle of picking it up before you can meditate. We don’t want that… you already have plenty of other excuses keeping you from practice… why add one more!?
Consistency in your practice builds the “muscles” of meditation, creates endurance for those who want to stretch themselves past a 5-minute meditation, and ingrains routine that will help keep you coming back to the cushion. The benefits are countless, including lower stress levels, increased personal and interpersonal awareness, and calmer demeanors. For those of you interested in more medical benefits: lowering blood pressure and improved immune response are among the benefits too.
Next week we will hit the topic of The Fickle practitioner… who likes to do all the techniques… all at the same time.
After that, The Game Changer… cultivating compassion within your practice, no matter what it brings.
If you’re enjoying this series, which started with Misperceptions about Taming the Wild Mind through Meditation, have feedback or a question, please feel free to send me a message.
Until next week, Happy Sitting.
One of the meditation questions I get often is about thoughts and how to quiet them. Many people seem to have come to the conclusion that their thoughts are supposed to immediately calm when they begin sitting on a meditation cushion. This is an exaggeration, but I think you understand. The belief appears to be that if your thoughts don’t quiet within your first couple sits, that you’re doing something wrong.
In my experience, this is not true.
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Do you know all the right things to do, the routines and thoughts that will help project you towards your “goal self” and still have trouble following through on them?
I'm hearing this a lot lately, and here's my perspective on it.
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I've run the gamut with this question, and finally after sustaining THIS clue for quite awhile, I think I have my answer...
What do you think?
Read MoreJust a quick note to say that I'm really looking forward to connecting with you in big ways!
Let's talk about the juicy stuff, the real stuff! The things that matter the most in our hearts!
Let's talk about change... how to create change, how to know which change we want to create....
Let's talk about emotions, what they tell us, how they sometimes cause us to get flustered and lose our cool....
And tell me what you want to hear more of...
Let's agree right now that this is a two-way conversation. This is a partnership.
Real shifts happen when we work together. This is truth.
So let's work together. Let's partner.
And let's see what ripples of change we can make!
xo
At The Whisper Within, we believe that other people, and diagnoses, cannot define you. We believe that you have the answers you seek. And we believe in your body's innate ability to heal itself. Sometimes you just need a little nudge to find your whisper.
