The Game Changer… cultivating compassion within your practice, no matter what it brings

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THE most common reason I have heard people make for stopping a meditation practice is not feeling like they are getting the “right” results from their practice (and therefore feeling that they are doing it wrong). Let’s talk today about both of these.

First, I would like to say that there is a LOT of misinformation out there. I mean A LOT. In fact, I read a book just this week that was misinforming people of what meditation is intended to do and by what means. I won’t name the book because there is other information in it that is good and valid, but suffice it to say that I’ve seen others too.

We covered this before but since we are nearing the end of our meditation series, I want to say this again…  Meditation is NOT “quieting the mind by whatever means necessary”. It could be said that meditation is the practice of getting to know your own mind… warts and all. So you can see that when people tell me that they feel they aren’t getting the “right” results from their practice, I have to question what they feel they are supposed to be achieving. If you have questions on this point, I want to refer you to the first post in this series, which is here.

The biggest obstacle I see when I speak with people about meditation is that they get so frustrated by the mind’s actions / thoughts. This is what really drives people to stop a practice. Over time, if you are approaching your practice with anger and frustration, it isn’t sustainable in that eventually frustration gives way to quitting altogether.

So what IS sustainable as a practice? That’s where compassion comes in.

To me, the practice of meeting yourself where ever you are with love is a game changer. Some sits will be filled with a racing mind, unable to quiet. Other sits will be mellow and serene. Knowing that one is not better than the other is critical and this is where compassion comes in.

Every time your mind strays, and you become aware that your mind has strayed, it is a victory (THIS is the lens of compassion). How is it victory you might ask? You noticed your mind stray… whether it was 5 minutes after it did so, or 5 seconds does not matter. What matters is that you noticed and you gently, lovingly brought it back. Every moment of awareness is success.

Remember that thinking thoughts is the nature of the mind. To see that, all you need to do is watch your thoughts to see one thought arise and fall away, only to be followed by another thought arising and falling away. We can choose to be upset or frustrated by our mind thinking thoughts, however if we do so, that is choosing simply to be upset because of the inherent nature of a thing, the nature of our minds. It would be like being upset that the tree outside has leaves or needles. It is a tree and its nature is to have leaves or needles. To be upset that the tree has leaves or needles is simply to choose to be upset.

It is a much kinder path to make your practice about understanding you and the nature of your mind. And as such, you can cultivate a deep compassion for the way your mind operates. When you do this, when the mind does what it naturally does, you gently bring it back to the focal point of your meditation.

Does your mind stray to your to do list? Become aware and then…. Lovingly bring it back to your focal point.

Does your mind tell you that this time of meditation is a luxury? Become aware and then…. Lovingly bring it back to your focal point.

Does your mind tell you that you forgot to pay a bill? Become aware and then….  Lovingly bring it back to your focal point.

Does your mind tell you that your back itches? Become aware and then…. Lovingly bring it back to your focal point.

In this way, all the thoughts are equal in that none of them take on such an importance that they allow your intention of sitting change. We establish equanimity here, in our practice, for everything that arises….

Before we conclude with this subject, I’d like to take a moment to look a little more at the other side of this coin. What if we don’t approach our practice with this compassion? What if we allow ourselves to be frustrated?

I have had my share of sits like this. And I can tell you that when I have chosen to be frustrated, I place another obstacle in my way.

Now, we don’t just have to jump the obstacle of the mind thinking thoughts, which of course, is its job. We also have to work around or through the obstacle of judgment because our frustration stems from a judgment that this is somehow bad or wrong. And it is neither bad nor wrong.

Keeping the mindset that meditation is a practice and subsequently having compassion for whatever arises in each sit or even each moment of each sit, allows us to cultivate equanimity not just within our meditation, but within the whole of our lives as well.

 

Missed a post in this series? Check out the below links:

And our last two posts will be:

  • What about Guided Meditations?
  • Why all the talk about meditation in the first place?!

Until then, wishing you happy, compassionate sits!