How do I find a good coaching match?

I love responding to this question in emails, Facebook groups and in other forums. So I decided to make it a blog post so it’s easily findable!

One of the things about coaching is that, to me, a coach should, necessarily, be about empowering the client. And this begins at the very start!

I love working with coaching clients who will own their process from the very beginning. What that means to me is that you are willing and able to be held accountable for taking action to achieve the results you look to achieve.

Owning the process from the beginning means owning the process of finding the right coaching match for what YOU need right now. The keys to this are:

Be very clear about the goals of your work together.

This will help you find the right person who can guide you properly in the areas aligning to your goals. Coaches specialize in all sorts of areas… for instance, I can help you find the ways that your past and your beliefs limit you (one of my superpowers is finding incongruence). But if you are looking for a coach to help give you strategies for finding love, I’m not the right match for you.

Determine your needs for accountability.

Are you a natural procrastinator? Then, since this is an important enough goal for you that you want to hire a coach, you want someone who will hold your feet to the fire and help you remain accountable to taking action. Already super disciplined? This may be less of a factor for you. But knowing this about yourself is helpful going in and helps you ask the right open ended questions to see how the coach will align to what you know you need to be successful. For instance, you may ask, "What do you say to a client who comes to a session without having taken any of the actions you agreed upon in a prior session?”

Do you find it important that the coach follows a predefined process with you?

Depending upon your goals for the work together, you may want someone with a process (literally we do A and then B and then C - and we always start with A). Alternatively, you may find that you need someone more intuitive and who can meet you where you are and tailor their processes to you. What type of personality are you and what do you need? Then ask questions to see if the coach aligns to that as well.

Consult your inner guidance with regard to fit.

Lastly, and to me this is super important, assess for fit. Do you feel great when talking with the person? Do you feel a kind of pull to work together? Does the personality seem to be a match for what you need (this doesn't mean an easy match - sometimes, we NEED someone who will challenge us and push us). Does the fit feel comfortable like a friendship, or does it feel like a match that will challenge you to grow and take action, or both (or neither)? Do you believe this person will guide you in the process of achieving the goal you laid out?

It’s critical to find the right coach for the objectives you have. Coaching is an investment you are making in the future you desire for yourself. The process of self-reflection to inform your selection process, followed by finding and interviewing prospective coaches is the due diligence required to find the absolute right person to work with. The considerations mentioned above may help to inform that process.

Have a comment or question? Send me a message and I’ll be sure to get back to you!

3 Strategies for Kicking the (Harmful) Habit

Have you ever felt you would like things to be different in your life?  Maybe you are tired of feeling stuck in a rut or stuck in a pattern of disharmony.  You are ready for change. Well in order to facilitate that change you need to make room in your life and mind for something new to be planted.  The three biggest things one can change to prepare for the new are harmful habitual mindsets, harmful habitual actions and harmful habitual words.  These three habit types can greatly limit the potential catalytic force of new empowering thought and strategies for change.

1. Harmful Habitual Mindsets:  What are harmful habitual mindsets?  Well, let me use a personal anecdote as an example.  I used to always have the emotion of anger be my default setting when things didn’t go my way.  There was no room for anything else. No room for understanding. No room for patience. No room for asking myself why this might not be going my way.  No room for other potential possibilities of thought or action. Then I was exposed to a Vipassana meditation technique in which one of its main premises is you can be exposed to stimuli and choose to react or not.  You can even choose a different way of experiencing a stimulus. With some practice I was able to shift away from anger being my default mindset when things didn’t go my way. It was quite liberating to discover I could break a habitual mindset and change it to something new.  Whatever mindset that you tend to wallow in or that lowers your vibration is a mindset that can be changed. Know this!    
   
   (Journaling activity: Take a moment to become aware of habitual mindsets you have which make you feel less than optimal. List five of them you would like to work on and get to it. )

2. Harmful Habitual Actions:  What are harmful habitual actions?  Well, maybe when you are sad you eat ice cream or chocolate.  Maybe when you are stressed you drink wine. Maybe when you are angry you lash out at loved ones. Or maybe when you are lonely you make poor decisions in intimacy.  We are creatures of habit. We tend to do things the way we have always done them. There is energy and force in habit. Resistance is experienced in attempting to do anything in a new way.  Even if there is a better way of being, doing and acting we generally stick to the way we know. This is the case across the board. In communication, in diet, in exercise, in sleep patterns, in the shows and movies we watch, and in the books we choose to read.  Our day to day lives are filled with habitual actions. 
   
   (Journaling activity: Take a moment to become aware of at least five actions you tend to take that are reactionary to a certain stimulus or actions you take that just generally make you feel less than optimal.  List them and next time choose differently. Again and again. See what happens.)

3. Harmful Habitual Words:  Habitual self-sabotage is not only found in mindsets and actions, but also in speech.  In the words we choose to communicate to self and others we are creating our foundation for the experiences and the relationships we draw into our lives.  It is important to become vigilant in monitoring the words we speak aloud and the words we think in our minds. Are there a lot of “shoulds” in your communication?  “I should really go to the gym.” “I should really do yoga.” “I should really change my diet.” Etc. “Shoulds” are not helpful. They lower your vibration. Either do or do not.  Try to avoid speaking “should”. Other vibration lowering words include…but, can’t, I don’t know, curse words, etc. Closely monitor your thoughts and speech for a few days and see how often these words come up in your speech.  
   
   (Journaling activity: Make a list of those words that come up with regularity for you in communication.  Become aware and make a change.)

It takes strong will power and persistence to replace an old habit with a new one.  Most of us don’t even bother until we bump up against something that makes us very uncomfortable.  Often times one’s diminishing health will be a wake-up call. Or maybe you have gained some weight and don’t look and feel comfortable in your own skin anymore.  Maybe you hit rock bottom with relationships and realize you keep cycling through the same disharmonious relationships over and over. The other person looks different but the themes and interactions are the same.  You say, “Enough all ready.” The level of discomfort reaches a level in which your will now has significant force. You are pushed internally to make some changes.

What if I told you that you have the ability to make changes right now without waiting for life to uncomfortably push you into making a different choice?   

Sustained consistency is the key.  There is a hurdle to jump in the beginning for sure.  You need to put some effort forth to overcome the natural resistance within, but as you do it more and more you build that force I spoke of earlier.  Then each time you choose the new habit you are creating it takes less and less effort to make it so. Eventually it becomes the new (consciously chosen) habit.  Other options no longer hold the same appeal. You have shifted your center. You have changed an aspect of self!